did that really happen...A rappers guide to hitchiking ....

(this was posted late--it all happened on wed dec 26th)


The last 48 hours of my life have been something to blog about to say the least.

It started on wed-- i was supposed to take the train but then canceled it to take a carpool instead (this would later be the first of many bad ideas)
i decided to car pool because my train would have arrived in MTL to soon for me to have a spot to stay--and to change the train to a later time would cost me more money-- FUCK !

so i get into this van with like 7 other people -- i felt like a refugee crossing the US border illegally- ! after an hour of driving outside of toronto--

all of a sudden the car starts to swerve and theres smoke coming out the front right tire (im thinking to myself...no im supposed to go out with bigger bang..like stampeding the white house...or stalking jonny dep- this cant be it!

we end up in a ditch....a fucking ditch! after i realized i was a live i remember OMG i have a show and Grahm is going to kill me

you would be surprised what fear can do to you---

So me and this girl named Sarah and this other guy decide to hitchhike
--yeah.. thumbs out and everything
because the CAA wouldn't come and to get another car would take 4 hours--it was already almost 6pm...and missing the show wasnt an option

we get picked up by some guy Named AJ....who runs an alone business (something like high end play boy soft porn or something like that) we drove all the way to Prescot bumping west coast 90's hip hop

he couldnt drive us further than prescot so we got out at the Timhortins...where we made MONTREAL signs with our eye liner--changed and freshened up in the bathroom and got back on the high way with our thumbs out--

at this point its 10 pm im fucking freezing and every car and truck is wizzing by us...we even tried waving 20's to show we weren't poor crack whoars !

that didnt work...eventually an OPP car showed up and he drove us to the station where he then got another car to drive us up to Marsborow (where the fuck is marsborow!!!!!) eventually one of the owner of coda came to get us from there...

wtf right-- WTF!!!!

i get into coda and i just start downing a bottle of vodka...and you know what the show was fucking AMAZING...

everyone knew the words...everyone was super excited and i got plenty of its ok isis your here hugs...

so in the end...i guess it was all worth it...all of that crazy shit was worth it--cus nothing beats being on stage....NOTHING...
so to get on stage i will hitchhike to the venue..i will not punch OPP cops for taking their sweet fucking time to get us to marsborow...i wll not throw rocks at the fuckers who drove past us...and i will bye Sarah a helicopter when im rich and famous...



But hold on..its not over yet-- the ride back to toronto...

was an over night one...no this time i took the bus...good old reliable bus....
at about 3am i woke up and there was this drunk smelly guy siiting next to me...i was like "whoa wtf who are you...whats going on"

he was like "i need to know where we are"-- i was like
"muther fuker do i look like the bus driver"

he repeated himself..where are we

i said straight up-- dude go back to your seat please...
he didnt listen...now you know after my ordeal im only entitled to use force...

i got him up he then fell back down on my foot...i pushed him on the floor..and siad

OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS FUCKING BUS WHY ME..WHY FUCKING ME!!!!

he dropped a gang of garbage and then eventually went back to his seat when he realized that i had been through enough to kill him and not think twice about it..

but you know after that- the bus arrived a hour and a half early...

so i guess its all good...

i guess all of that just makes you take a page out of the Cer-lo song "Right Now" dont worry about tomorrow ....how you feel right now"

and dont worry about yesterday...if everything ok right now

Im ready for anything after this...ANYTHING!!

TONIGHT WILL BE EPIC...BUT i will walk to Drake..its just safer....

To All our Gay Boyfriends

So last night -- although i know i just got out of the hospital and a crazy tour -- i decided against my better judgment to go to a party where Lupe Fiasco was playing. First and foremost -- im so over hip hop shows live- I find now if your not already a super fan, they just come off really lame. Like come on-- i know your a rapper-- but do something exciting-- like your Lupe ! I suggest during the second verse you drop in on a halfpipe 360 kick flip and blow bubbles out your ass. Or you can do what i do and just poor cold vodka down peoples throats-- SOMETHING!!!! i really dont care to just watch people RAP....unless your Mos Def-- i'll watch him do anything--shit even clip his toe nails... i bet he has sexy feet too... mmmmmm Mos Def....mmmm

ok ok ok ... sorry---

Thats not the point of this blog entry-- the point is-- at this huge Mega Neon strobe hipster club i found myself having to stand up for some random gay guy---
Im on my way out for a smoke and these two dumb jock guys (who prob would take it in the ass -if you had the right password ha) scream out -- OH MY GOD THATS A GUY...

and im like-- yea that guy would prob kick you in the face!-- and they clearly knew that i was ALPHA MALE! say something-- i wish a mutha fuka would!!!!

Im so tired of super homophobic jocky men who feel the need to not only call out, but in some cases harass gay men. They have no problem with convincing two girls to make out-- but if they see two guys make out-- its like OMG!
Fuck that--- i love all my gay boyfriends... they are way better than a lot of my female friends.

Come on ladies think about it-- they are they best type of boyfriend... they go shopping with you, they tell you look good when your feeling bloated and just shitty, they always buy you the right gift and when your out and some sloppy 1 thinks he has a chance --they step in and lay down the best cock block ever!

So if you have a gay boyfriend -- whether hes flamboyant or not -- i say today
send them a smile or a hug on face book... cus we need them and what would we ladies be without our gay boyfriends...

WHAT WOULD WE BE---

TODAY DEC 15 IS GAY BOYFRIEND DAY
-- TAKE HIM OUT BUY HIM A BEER-- GET HIM SOME LUBE AND HOLD HIM-- AND NEVER LET HIM GO!!!

cheers!

Hugs for Party Slugs...

So here it is...after that long ass week of touring the west coast im finally home. Ive been home for a week now but this week has been one hell of a week on its own filled with new crushes, new music , trips to the hospital and lots of vitamin C.

First let me start with a re-cap of the west coast tour. Honestly it was a blur, half the time i didnt know what day it was or what city we were in- thank god i didnt scream out HELLOOOO SAN DIEGO when we were in Vegas... haha

We started in LA the place was packed -- the show went well even after me and Grandmasta G almost killed each other in the hotel room. See ladies and gents when you tour with the same person for months and they are all you see-- you start to develop what i like to call "Lord of the Flies" syndrome. During these times i strongly suggest you ask Dave (Beauty Bar LA) to mix you his special Patron love thy neighbor juice. It makes all those angry feelings go away--which is great cus i had to deal with two sloppy drunk chicks on my already too small makeshift stage. Special thanks to Dave and all the sweet fans who cussed them out and got them off stage.

Vegas was interesting-- we played a Beauty pageant.. im just pissed that i didnt get a pair of pumps-- San Fran was my favorite.. Shout outs to Ingrid (i hope i spelled that right) not only cus your awesome but you actually read my blog-- I also met the cutest little dog named Popey with an equally cute owner... which is all i ever really wanted... is that too much to ask..ok more like Jonny Depp and a cute dog..but hey beggars cant be chooser.

I was dubbed "Party Slug" by one of the pretty ladies in the beauty pageant (refer to Future-Rama) which is so true-- partying is part of my Job...you know how hard it is to party when all you want to do is take a nap under a tree in a park...yeah I THOUGHT SO!

which brings me to this week... My party slug days caught up with me this week.. a month of traveling cross seas and times zones with little to no sleep left me fucked up-- is that a medical term...yea had to go to the hospital..and no it wasnt some Lyndsey Lohan self induced cocaine exhaustion thing... but it deff was caused by stress..

but the best thing about heading to the emergency room in Toronto screaming and crying from the pain in your lower back is
1. you have free health care
2. all the hot paramedics come to comfort you
3.they sedate you-- which means i finally got a nap after 3 months
4.they give you codeine....weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

so now im not only not in pain (sorry is that a double negative) but i also got a really cute medics phone number--- AND NO BILL

HA TAKE THAT BUSH!!!!!

See you should all just merry Canadians...we're better looking and we have free health care and no herpes...its a win win for everyone.

Im sure i missed a whole bunch of things from the tour-- but hell you try to remember all that crap after a bottle of Patron a night.. yeah thanks to Dave ive moved on from Vodka to Patron.. ive always been a Tequila girl....Vodka makes me rowdy-- Tequila gives u a better chance at getting my phone number

again ..win win...

Cheers!

ps
PIx from the wonderful life of Isis coming soon. I also want to start a list of the best places to "After Party" --so if you know some places let me know...i want to get footage and use it toward a TH music video..

:)

Going back back to Cali Cali.....

So the bird has landed... Im now in LA- and i can honestly say im now very excited about this whole tour thing. Me and GrandMasta G-dog (aka Grahmzilla) are in the best of moods, and with our sibling like relationship this is a great foreshadowing of how the rest of the tour will go.

I hate Planes!!!! Why do they always put me next to the fat people--- now let me make it very clear there is a big difference between PHAT, Pleasantly plum and FAT! This lady was not only FAT but also super annoying ie the loud coughing and snoring-- who the fuck snores on a plane!!!

anyway-- im here safe in one peice and i am grateful....

The next time i write will be a full review of the tour--- with pictures...hopefully of ridiculously good looking west coast boys.... :)

WHOA...So this is what a Blog taste like...

HELLLOOOOO!

well ladies and gents , here it is. The Blog By Isis
I was going to go with that title first , but there seems to be a wicked impostor on the net using my name ---I KNOW YOUR OUT THERE AND I WILL FIND YOU! Like i found the other Isis's.

So ive been sick all week-- which couldn't come at a better time seeing how we just wrapped up another European tour.. not that big though, just 4 shows in pretty much 5 days. My liver walked out on me, day 2 -- said i was abusive and lacking in the love department. I told the bitch to leave... I DON'T NEED YOU.

Anyway-- i got back home and did what all rock stars do -- i went to the drug store. You know they sell Nyquil and Dayquil in the same box... FUCKING GENIUS! Now i never have to wonder what time of day it is, i simply look at my box and see how many pills are left in each-- and There you go-- instant calender-- now if i could only sync it with the moon and im straight. I love this stuff--

ROCK STAR GUIDE TO GETTING OVER A COLD AND STILL SMOKING WEED :

Things you will need:

- Bottle of Vitamin C pills (1000mgs the more potent the better, trust me)

- Bottle of Echnecia pills (doenst really matter -this is just to make you feel like your doing something good.. it sounds so healthy--mind over matter)

-Bottle of Multi Vitamins( ask the lady behind the desk for the one for old people--way more vitamins...chose sex accordingly )

- LOTS OF WATER--( I MEAN IT..I HATE IT TOO---BUT THAT SHIT WILL MAKE OR BREAK YOU)

- fully stalked fridge with all the food you love---you need it for strength

- and finally some of the best Cheeba you can get your hands on.. bad weed can also make you sicker-- so dont chump on the doe- besides the weed will help you if you have a lost appetite due to your cold


THERE YOU GO....

Now all you need to do is :

Take 2 Vitamin C pills for the first 2 days-- if you still feel like a sack of horse shit -- take 2 more the next 2 days then gradually cut down to one. Dont stop just cus you feel better always give your cold a day--

Take 1 Echnecia with every vitamin C pill

Take 1 Multi Vitamin everyday

drink lots of water-- smoke lots of weed..and eat lots of food

I also like to buy fruit cups.. you know the ones with cranberries and raspberries..mmmm


So im off to LA in the morning to begin the West Coast Beauty Bar tour... dont you love how it rolls off your mouth-- like the sweet smell of morning after beer and smoke in your hair from some random after party, in some random house that you some how randomly ended up at....

Oh life on the road- how i love thee....

wish me luck