Monday, 21 January 2008

A rock stars guide to stay at home Rehab


So some of you are wondering what that rehab comment was in my last post..

NO isis DOES NOT have a substance abuse problem of any kind! Feel free to ask about me! Lets just make that clear not Lyndsey or Amy...however i bet they must have some bomb as shit..haha

Random Fact # 73

Due to my occupation and age i am able to consume copious amounts of alcohol-- more than some people think is humanly possible..and therefor must be supper human. as a matter of fact i'm currently involved in a study at several post secondary institution's including Oxford, Howard, Harvard, Yale and UofT - to determine whether or not i am an alien or better yet the first speck of proof that x-men really exist.


Now back to

for those of you out there who can not afford the luxury spa like rehab stars like Spears, Lohan, Amy --well not Amy cus she said ..NO NO NO...-- lol (i know bad joke..its harder to type em out- yet they sound so funny in my head.)

anyway here is a little guide that i like to follow when i know ive partied a little too much and need to take a break!

Step 1:

TURN OFF YOUR PHONE!!!! The biggest problem with saying NO is your friends, or atleast the people you tend to party with. You have to turn off your phone at peek party planning hours. For you guys on the east coast i would say 6pm-9pm EST this is usually right after dinner and right before the liqueur store closes (if you live in canada) if you live where there is no real government liqueur control board --- then GOD HELP YOU! (and pick me up a bottle of OE lol)

Step 2:

BUY LOTS OF WEED! What better way to curb any hard drug craving then with good ol non addictive naturally grown hydro-ponic chronic! And if the weed is really good , odds are you will spend most of your party evenings at home trying to stay awake and not eat your arm , after you've run out of Hogendaz strawberry cheese cake ice-cream--- mmmmm ice-cream. The one good thing about weed making you super chill and lazy is you wont want to go to some loud ass hard electro hypster filled club.

Step 3: DRINK LOTS OF WATER! This is a step i include in any of my programs (believe it or not i used to be a vegan and did Wing Chun, and yoga-- then i was touched by the venom and now wear a new suite..but i know what your thinking and NO that does not make me spiderman..we all know thats peter parkers job!) You would be surprised how little water you really drink. Especially if you drink as much as i do...this will clean out all the crap you've been putting in yourself.

Step 4: MAKE OTHER PLANS. Plan early evening dinner parties, movie nights, kereoke anything that will keep you from downing a bottle of patron and doing blow off some pre-pubescent swedish boys chest (not saying ive done this...just saying im sure it happens a lot-- ...) Plus we all know how boring it can be if you have been partying since thursday and now you want to stay in...lets remember REHAB CAN BE FUN....

haha that should be on a t-shirt -- make that a t-shirt and i will wear it and tell everyone to buy it from you-- true story!

Stay at home rehab is always easier if you have a significant other or a roommate that you can actually stand - you can stay in and play Jenga ..or x-box -- or have crazy monkey sex.. you would be surpsied how much time jenga and money sex can take out of your day-- esp if you do it at the same time!

Follow my steps and you will be back to your full health potential in 1.5-2 weeks. So healthy you will have more than enough energy to run yourself right back into the ground..and do it all over again

see Everything in moderation and balance. If you are going to go hardcore till 8am ..your better off spending the week before that friday taking it will feel less shitty on sunday

NOTE: If you really feel you may have a substance abuse problem i strongly urge you to seek help because addicts are not and will never be sexy...its a sad day to see such young awesomeness go to shit because a few lines and too many shots of yager in the afternoon. I myself have seen too many people go down that road...and its not cool. So take care of yourself.

Isis says only you can prevent forest fires...

oh and in no way shape or form am i telling any of you to have crazy monkey sex and play jenga at the same time-- someone could really get hurt
but if you do...put that shit on U-tube


mansa said...

okay before we address the list can we discuss 1)why are you wearing your own bands shirt

2)who's arm is that, ahem, white boyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

isis said...


i refuse to answer any of those questions on the grounds that i may incriminate myself....


and lets make it clear that was a white boy who needed to be out by 8 ...cus i had a flight at 11...and isis dont play that...


and hell i like my band shirt-- i have the only one thats in silver